We can have two types of relationships:1. Vertical - where praise and condemnation create hierarchy and inequality. Eg. Saying "you did a great job" puts us in a superior position as we are judging the other person's ability and providing them external validation.2. Horizontal - based on mutual respect and equality. The emphasis is on encouragement through gratitude, respect and joy rather than praise. Eg. Thank you for helping me out (think about what you would say to your friend)Encourage and foster equal relationships for healthier connections.

Don't Condemn Or Praise

Our past doesn't define us - we have the power to shape our future based on our experiences. We create our own destiny by interpreting our experiences in a way that serves our purpose.You can change any time. You just choose not to.Key Concepts:<ul><li>Self-determination🚀</li><li>Interpreting experiences✅</li><li>Not bound by the past❌</li></ul>

Trauma Doesn't Determine Your Present Or Future

The feeling of not being good enough can sometimes motivate us to work harder and grow, it's called feeling of inferiority. But, when this feeling is used as an excuse, it becomes an inferiority complex. It is important to understand the difference between the two.🔹 Inferiority complex: using feelings of inadequacy as an excuse for not trying.🔹 Superiority complex: thinking one is special due to perceived misfortunes and struggles.🔹 Both concepts are closely related despite seeming like opposites. People with superiority complex claim to be unique because of their hardships.

Inferiority and Superiority Complex

Trust and confidence are not the same.When we trust someone completely, we may end up being taken advantage of since we have no conditions. But it is not our responsibility to decide if someone will take advantage of us.Instead, we should focus on accepting ourselves for who we are and understanding our own abilities and limitations. This will help us realize that it is the other person's task to take advantage or not, and it will make it easier to truly have confidence in others.✨

Trust Vs Confidence

In Adlerian psychology, life is seen as a series of moments or "dots," where each moment is a new chance for choice and change, no matter your past. You have the freedom to live differently at any moment.
Key Concepts:
<ul>
 <li>Adlerian psychology - focuses on individual's subjective experience and the importance of an individual's beliefs and ideas</li>
 <li>Series of dots - life is not a linear progression but a series of moments, providing opportunities for change</li>
 <li>Freedom - the power to make choices and change despite past experiences</li>
</ul>
Keep moving forward and choose your own path. 🚶‍♂️

Life Is Not A Line, It's A Series Of Dots

The desire for recognition is harmful. It is often influenced by our education that promotes rewards and punishments. As a result, it can lead to a misguided mindset where we only take action if praised, and do wrong things if not punished.Avoid seeking recognition and instead focus on genuine progress and personal growth. 🚫🏆

Deny The Desire For Recognition

We often employ anger to dominate others with a strong voice and assert our opinions. In this way, anger becomes just a method to achieve our objectives. Those with short tempers often overlook that there are more effective communication tools available that don't rely on anger. They choose to use anger as a tool in order to achieve the objective of making the other person submit to them.

You Fabricate Your Anger To Achieve Your Goals

In Adlerian Psychology: Tasks are separated by determining "Whose task is this?" All relationship issues arise from either intruding on someone else's task or having our own tasks intruded upon. By differentiating tasks, we can greatly enhance our interpersonal relationships.🌸To improve relationships:<ul><li>Identify your own tasks</li><li>Recognize tasks belonging to others</li><li>Set boundaries for tasks that are not yours</li><li>Let go of tasks that do not belong to you</li></ul>

Separation of Tasks

If someone insults you, think about their hidden agenda. When you get angry because of someone's words or actions, they are challenging you to a power struggle.Do not engage in a power struggle. The belief that "I'm right" leads to thinking that the other person is wrong, and it becomes a competition to win. ❌Admitting mistakes, apologizing, and stepping away from power struggles are not signs of defeat.🤝✅

Don't Engage In Power Struggle

To recognize our value, we must feel like we are helping someone else. Even if our contribution is invisible, as long as we believe that we are making a difference, we will find happiness and freedom. 
 Key Points:
<ul>
 <li>Feeling of contribution brings awareness of our worth</li>
 <li>Visibility of contribution doesn't matter</li>
 <li>Subjective sense of being of use can bring happiness and freedom</li>
</ul>

Contribution Is The Key To Freedom And Happiness

Loneliness doesn't stem from being alone; it arises when you're surrounded by people, society, and community, yet feel deeply disconnected from them. All problems, at their core, are interpersonal relationship problems. It's in these social contexts that a person truly becomes an 'individual,' and without meaningful connections, the sense of isolation intensifies.

All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems

In life, it's important to have the courage to be disliked.Here's why:<ul><li>Other people's opinions are outside our control.</li><li>Our happiness should not rely on being liked by everyone.</li><li>Instead, we should prioritize our own well-being.</li><li>Having the courage to be happy even if others dislike us can improve our interpersonal relationships.</li><li>This mindset can also bring positivity into our lives.</li></ul>So, let's embrace the courage to be disliked and focus on our own happiness. ☀️

The Courage to Be Disliked

Other people aren't here to meet your expectations. When they don't meet your expectations, don't take it personally. Remember - it's not always about you. Instead, focus on being a good comrade, not the focus of everyone's attention. 😊👫By thinking you're the centre of the world, you risk losing friends. Rather than expecting anything from others, ask yourself what you can do for them. Shift your mindset and focus on giving, not getting. 😌🙏

You Are Not the Centre of the World

All the key takeaways from "The Courage To Be Disliked". Follow for more book notes. . 📖✅

A single book can change your life. Already an enormous bestseller in Asia, with more than 3 million copies sold, The Courage to be Disliked demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of 19th century psychology alongside Freud and Jung, it follows an illuminating conversation between a philosopher and a young man. The philosopher explains to his pupil how each of us is able to determine our own lives, free of the shackles of past experiences, doubts and the expectations of others. It's a way of thinking that's deeply liberating, allowing us to develop the courage to change, and to ignore the limitations that we and those around us can place on ourselves. The result is a book that is both highly accessible and profound in its importance. Millions have already read and benefited from its wisdom. Now that The Courage to be Disliked has been published for the first time in English, so can you

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Ichiro KISHIMI Philosopher, Adlerian psychologist and translator of English and German languages. Born in 1956.M.A.in philosophy from Kyoto University. Director of the Japanese Society of Adlerian psychology. Former counselor at Maeda Clinic in Kyoto and has taught philosophy and ancient Greek at various institutions such as Kyoto University of Education and Nara Women's University. He presently teaches educational psychology and clinical psychology at Meiji School of Oriental Medicine in Suita, Osaka. Kishimi now has his own private counseling office in Kameoka, Kyoto, and devotes his time to giving lectures on Adlerian Psychology and child education.

Ichiro Kishimi

Fumitake Koga is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Fumitake Koga has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Fumitake Koga's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

You Are Not the Centre of the World

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