Truly knowing someone is an intentional skill—built through curiosity, humility, and genuine interest in their inner world.

The Skill of Seeing Others

We either make people feel seen (illuminators) or unseen (diminishers); knowing someone means choosing to illuminate their worth.

From Illumination to Diminishment

Listening is not passive—it’s a profound act of presence that creates space for others to reveal their truths.

The Power of Deep Attention

Understanding others involves embracing their full humanity, including complexities, contradictions, and moral struggles.

Building Moral Realism

Knowing others well is not a one-time act but a lifelong habit—shaped by patience, compassion, and a desire to grow together.

Human Connection as a Life Practice

David Brooks reveals the art of truly seeing and understanding others—offering a heartfelt guide to deepening relationships through attention, empathy, and presence.

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A practical, heartfelt guide to the art of truly knowing another person in order to foster deeper connections at home, at work, and throughout our lives—from the author of The Road to Character and The Second Mountain As David Brooks observes, “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.” And yet we humans don’t do this well. All around us are people who feel invisible, unseen, misunderstood. In How to Know a Person, Brooks sets out to help us do better, posing questions that are essential for all of us: If you want to know a person, what kind of attention should you cast on them? What kind of conversations should you have? What parts of a person’s story should you pay attention to? Driven by his trademark sense of curiosity and his determination to grow as a person, Brooks draws from the fields of psychology and neuroscience and from the worlds of theater, philosophy, history, and education to present a welcoming, hopeful, integrated approach to human connection. How to Know a Person helps readers become more understanding and considerate toward others, and to find the joy that comes from being seen. Along the way it offers a possible remedy for a society that is riven by fragmentation, hostility, and misperception. The act of seeing another person, Brooks argues, is profoundly creative: How can we look somebody in the eye and see something large in them, and in turn, see something larger in ourselves? How to Know a Person is for anyone searching for connection, and yearning to be understood.

PURANA PEN 's Key Ideas from How to Know a Person
by David Brooks

The Skill of Seeing Others

From Illumination to Diminishment

The Power of Deep Attention

Building Moral Realism

Human Connection as a Life Practice

Different Perspectives Curated by Others from How to Know a Person

Discover Key Ideas from Books on Similar Topics

PURANA PEN 's Key Ideas from How to Know a Personby David Brooks

The Skill of Seeing Others

From Illumination to Diminishment

The Power of Deep Attention

Building Moral Realism

Human Connection as a Life Practice

Different Perspectives Curated by Others from How to Know a Person

Discover Key Ideas from Books on Similar Topics

PURANA PEN 's Key Ideas from How to Know a Person
by David Brooks