<ul><li>A consequence is the result or direct effect of an action. </li></ul>> Consequences give your child the message that he is capable of taking responsibility for problems and can handle them.<ul><li>Punishment is defined by Merriam-Webster as “suffering, pain, or loss that serves as retribution. </li></ul>> Punishment can cause resentment and rarely teaches a child what you want him to learn. It also can be damaging to your child’s self-esteem and does not facilitate secure attachment.

Consequences versus punishment

<ul><li>It backfires. Punishment is almost always delivered with anger.</li><li>It is temporary. Punishment teaches children to respond out of fear rather than out of a desire to please or do the right thing.</li><li>It reinforces the child’s negative view of self. It creates an expectation by the child and others of additional bad behavior.</li><li>It provokes revenge, makes the child feel angry and resentful.</li><li>It maintains emotional distance. Punishment feeds into their defenses against being close and reinforces a “me against you” mentality.</li></ul>

Why punishment doesn’t work

Three steps:1. Tell your child to sit for a brief time to think about her behaviors and choices.2. When you are ready, not when your child demands, go to your child.3. If your child responds appropriately — with honesty and without blaming others — give praise, a big hug, a warm smile and the assurance that all is forgiven. If your child does not respond appropriately, say, “I guess you need more time to think it over. I’ll be back soon.”

Instead of punish

Parents are often unclear about the difference between consequences and punishment and the end result. 

Parents are often unclear about the difference between consequences and punishment -- and that's one reason efforts to discipline children can be ineffective.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

parenting

Parenting

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Consequences versus punishment 

Are you having trouble in speaking out your idea/points to others? Do you get confused while presenting? Did you wind up being unclear exactly what you hope other people will do?If yes, then the habit of brevity can help you

The Habit Of Brevity

If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.

The average leader -- even the above-average one -- might gather the team and explain why it's such a great opportunity for the company/organisationThe emotionally intelligent leader, however, frames everything from the point of view of his or her teams

To Effectively Communicate..

<ul><li>think about different angles to craft the right message.</li><li>segment things better, so that you don't try to communicate everything to everyone at once.</li><li>Try to be brief </li><li>Take time to weed out the many things you might want to say in order to make the ones that you truly need to say more memorable, makes the difference between confusion and clarity.</li></ul>

Crafting Your Message In A Emotionally Intelligent Rute

How to be emotionally intelligent while conveying your message

writing

Reading & Writing

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

How Emotionally Intelligent People Use the 'Mark Twain Rule' to Become Exceptionally Persuasive

<ul><li>Feeling what someone else feels</li><li>Actively listening to what they have to say</li><li>Not judging</li><li>Being aware of nuances and non-verbal cues</li><li>Discovering their perspective</li><li>Acknowledging everyone's feelings.</li></ul>Empathy is the ability to understand and share a person’s feelings. An empathetic person can feel someone else’s emotions, regardless of their personal experiences.You’re able to discover their perspective with awareness of non-verbal cues. You’re also able to simply listen without feeling forced to provide unwanted advice.

What is empathy? 

<ul><li>Having thoughts about what someone feels</li><li>When in conversation, giving unasked advice</li><li>Passing judgment</li><li>Only noticing the surface level issue</li><li>Understanding only from your perspective</li><li>Ignoring or suppressing your own emotions.</li></ul>Unlike empathy, practicing sympathy doesn’t mean you feel what someone else feels. Instead, you feel pity or sorry for someone else’s feelings.You feel bad for someone, but you don’t understand how they feel.A sympathetic approach only provides a surface-level understanding of someone else’s situation. This understanding is typically from your perspective, not theirs.

What is sympathy?

Learn the main differences between empathy vs sympathy and similar concepts like compassion and apathy. Plus, read about the best ways to practice empathy.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

Empathy vs. sympathy: understanding key differences

The mere exposure effect is defined as "the finding that individuals show an increased preference (or liking) for a stimulus as a consequence of repeated exposure to that stimulus."How can you use the mere exposure effect to get people to like you? By letting them see you often. Turn your camera on during Zoom meetings. Comment on your friends' social media posts. Go to the gym at the same time every day to increase the odds of bumping into the same people.

Be seen often

Asking questions puts the focus on the other person, and lets them know you value their opinions and experiences. Research shows that people who ask more questions during conversations are perceived as more responsive and are better liked by conversation partners.Asking someone follow-up questions about something they told you is particularly effective because it shows that you are listening and interesting in what they have to say.

Ask questions

People who smile are perceived as more competent and more attractive. And people are more apt to like someone they consider attractive.

Smile

Making a great first impression isn't as hard as you might think.

3 Easy Ways to Make People Like You That Are Backed by Science

Alan Watts was a British philosopher, writer, and teacher credited with bringing Eastern philosophy to a wide audience in the West; philosophy that included Buddhism, Taosim, and Hinduism.Writing over 25 books and articles on the subject of religion and philosophy, Watts believed that philosophy, such as Buddhism, could be used as psychotherapy.Here are some of his best quotes:

Alan Watts

“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.”

“You are an aperture through which the universe is looking at and exploring itself."

“You are a function of what the whole universe is doing in the same way that a wave is a function of what the whole ocean is doing.”

“Tomorrow and plans for tomorrow can have no significance at all unless you are in full contact with the reality of the present, since it is in the present and only in the present that you live. There is no other reality than present reality, so that, even if one were to live for endless ages, to live for the future would be to miss the point everlastingly.”

“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”

“When you get free from certain fixed concepts of the way the world is, you find it is far more subtle, and far more miraculous, than you thought it was.”

“I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.”

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”

“A scholar tries to learn something everyday; a student of Buddhism tries to unlearn something daily.”

“If, then, my awareness of the past and future makes me less aware of the present, I must begin to wonder whether I am actually living in the real world.”

“Meditation is the discovery that the point of life is always arrived at in the immediate moment.”

“The only Zen you’ll find on mountain tops is the Zen you bring up there with you.”

“What you are basically, deep, deep down, far, far in, is simply the fabric and structure of existence itself.”

“Zen does not confuse spirituality with thinking about God while one is peeling potatoes. Zen spirituality is just to peel the potatoes.”

“Philosophy is man’s <a href="https://wealthygorilla.com/5-ways-curiosity-can-breed-success/">expression of curiosity </a>about everything and his attempt to make sense of the world primarily through his intellect.”

“Other people teach us who we are. Their attitudes to us are the mirror in which we learn to see ourselves, but the mirror is distorted. We are, perhaps, rather dimly aware of the immense power of our social environment.”

“What we have forgotten is that thoughts and words are conventions, and that it is fatal to take conventions too seriously. A convention is a social convenience, as, for example, money ... but it is absurd to take money too seriously, to confuse it with real wealth ... In somewhat the same way, thoughts, ideas and words are "coins" for real things.” ﻿

“When we attempt to exercise power or control over someone else, we cannot avoid giving that person the very same power or control over us.” –

Alan Watts was a British philosopher and writer. Here are some of his quotes on life, zen, wealth, Buddhism, spirituality, power and lot's more. 

Alan Watts quotes are commonplace today. Watts was a British philosopher, 
writer, and teacher credited with bringing Eastern philosophy to a wide 
audience in the West; philosophy that included Buddhism, Taosim, and 
Hinduism. Writing over 25 books and articles on the subject of religion and 
philosophy, Watts believed that philosophy, such as Buddhism, could be used 
as psychotherapy.

philosophy

Philosophy

Alan Watts Quotes

The cornerstone of emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, evaluate, interpret, and manage emotions — both your own and those of others — and use those insights to drive positive action. This sensibility can improve everything from communication and personal relationships to effectiveness and job satisfaction. Here are some key phrases that are used by emotionally intelligent leaders.

The Cornerstone Of Emotional Intelligence

The person you're talking to will feel more validated and valued if you confirm that they have your undivided attention. Pair this with some eye contact and maybe a nod frpm time to time

"I'm Listening" / "I Hear You"

This signals your commitment to the conversation and and your desire to gain clarity minus any judgment.Effective communicators don’t pretend they know things when they don’t, or make another person feel stupid for not expressing themselves clearly.

"Tell Me More"/"Can You Tell Us More About That?"

While there’s nothing wrong with praise like, “looks good” or “thank you,” saying you appreciate the human being behind the work adds an extra layer of gratitude and facilitates stronger relationships down the roadIf this is too far out of your comfort zone, start with its sister phrase, “I appreciate your work on this.”

"I Appreciate You"

indicates a fundamental confidence in the decisions and abilities of another person, allowing them to deliver results and build personal morale.People generally perform better when they’re supported and believed in, rather than micromanaged or overly questioned.

"I Trust You"

Emotionally intelligent people don’t censor ideas, steamroll feedback, or presume they know more than everyone else. They don't feel insecure and they know they don't have anything to prove.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Being emotionally intelligent means neither creating unnecessary drama nor shying away from differences of opinion. If your thoughts don’t mesh with your co-workers', rather than remaining silent you can say something like “I'm afraid I don’t agree” or leading with a cloying, “With all due respect,” say, “I have a different perspective.” This opens the door to respectful dialogue and exchange of ideas. Who knows you're bringing something to the table that they didn't think to consider.

"I'm Afraid I Have A Different Opinion

If someone who is usually reliable isn’t performing to their standards, put disappointment aside for a moment and genuinely ask them of they're all right. They might have a perfectly acceptable reason.

"Is Everything Ok?

Far from being a sign of weakness, the ability to apologise is a hallmark trait of an emotional intelligent person. Recognising mistakes, taking responsibility, and showing remorse and a desire to do better are the foundational elements of productive personal-relationship-building. However 'sorry' is not something you can toss around everytime you miss your dealine or to get your mom to shut up. When you say 'sorry', mean it

"I'm Sorry"

Resist the tendency to over-apologise. This doesnt make you sound sorry at all. Instead, it makes you sound like everything's centred on you and your feelingsInstead of saying sorry about everyhting, try thanking someone the other person for their understanding. This shifts the focus from you onto what the other person is experiencing.

"Thanks For (Your) Understanding

Because we tend to say the wrong things sometimes

Exhibiting emotional intelligence is more important than ever in the workplace. We are in the midst of the Great Resignation, and people are

teamwork

Teamwork

Use These Phrases to Sound More Emotionally Intelligent

Limited resources + optimism = innovation

Creativity in my opinion is one of the first steps to innovation. Before we can roll out a new innovation, we have to get creative and design a solution to our business model. This creativity will lead to innovation, which will then generate a reduction in overhead and push our productivity ahead.

The Thought

How do we get creative might be a question floating in your head. Well, if you ask me, I would tell you, "Its not as easy as it sounds". I have found that I need to do several things.

The Question

<ol><li>Surround yourself with creative and innovative people (We at your company solves problems all day long and loves to do it)</li><li>Be willing to implement something that is "not perfect". Waiting for a perfect well-rounded solution is not a creative process. Be willing to update it and refine it over time. Version 1 is better than version none.</li><li>Look to the internet! There are so many solution floating on the web, research some of them and find out what others are doing to solve the same problems.</li><li>Give yourself grace! Be creative is a process, and it can take years to get good at it 😄</li></ol>

The Action

Boosting Productivity sometimes needs a look at creativity 

I recently read a post on LinkedIn by Simon Sinek that read... Limited resources + optimism = innovation I realized just how true this statement was as I thought about it. We are limited on what we can do in our day to day. Whether you are running a business or you are working for a business we are all limited on the time we have. So how do we overcome our limitations on time? How do we increase productivity? While the answer was given by Simon already 😉, innovation. To pursue innovation it req

productivity

Productivity

problemsolving

Problem Solving

business

Business

💪+ 🎨 Productivity Demands Creativity

There may be moments in life where we hold a lot of anger and resentment. These grievances should be dealt with, as they offer only a lifetime of hurt. No matter how enormous the pain may feel, it is possible to let go and forgive. Forgiveness is good for the soul, and it has positive benefits on our mental and physical wellbeing.

Research Findings

Pain in life is inevitable. Suffering, on the other hand, is optional.

Forgiveness is a process, whilst the duration and difficulty will vary significantly, it can be equally applied to all levels of pain.Dr Frederic Luskin found from his research that forgiveness training helps people:<ul><li>Feel significantly less hurt</li><li>Learn techniques for forgiveness</li><li>Forgive the person who has caused them pain</li></ul>

The Science Behind Forgiveness

If I develop bad feelings toward those who make me suffer, this will only destroy my own peace of mind. But if I forgive, my mind becomes calm.

Forgiveness is essential for a fully functional society.Medically speaking, there does not appear to be any downside to forgiveness. It is clear from ongoing research that forgiveness of day to day incidental issues and longer term grudges, offers prolonged physical, emotional and spiritual healing.

Positive Psychology Research 

Forgiveness is perhaps the most challenging of all the resources available to us - and the most transformational.

Acceptance shifts the balance. Your view of what is happening alters.You separate the pain that is inevitable from the suffering that is optional.To forgive, you must accept the past. You don't need to like it, but it has happened - and cannot be undone.

1. Acceptance 🤲

Research shows that you cannot suppress negative emotions. So become aware of your emotions, recognize and label them, and interrupt and calm your response. An important factor for forgiveness is that you need to be aware of the hurt, anger and grief you may be facing.

2. Emotional Regulation Label

Cease to be a slave to your selfish narrative by taking a step back and shift your perspective so you may observe your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations. Observing anger is not the same as being angry.Mindfulness practices provide a practical path to shifting your perspective to allow you to see that your experiences do not define who you are.

3. Shifting Perspectives 👀 

Putting your self in someone else's shoes, can be incredibly helpful on the path to forgiveness.Empathy is powerful at understanding the pain of another.Compassion encourages you to take action needed to reduce that suffering.

4. Empathy And Compassion 💞

Be accountable for yourself, own your actions, thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Instead of reacting with fear and running away, or denying you have any power over whats happening, you must take action to avoid recurring harmful behaviour.Recognise unhealthy behaviours, without judgement, and take responsibility.

5. Responsibility Check

The process of forgiveness helps you to remove emotional barriers to finding happiness. Forgiveness provides vital benefits to your mental and physical wellbeing such as a reduction in:<ul><li>Depression</li><li>Anger</li><li>Stress</li><li>Cardiovascular disease</li><li>Pain.</li></ul>Increases and improvements in:<ul><li>Compassion</li><li>Hope</li><li>Immune response</li><li>Self confidence </li></ul>

Benefits Of Forgiveness

Forgiveness provides us with a powerful path to reduce our suffering and bring greater dignity and harmony to our life.

Use good feelings to focus on the positives.A rude comment from someone in a store should not outweigh the beauty of the sunshine or the joy in seeing your child doing something new.The TV remote is used as a metaphor for choosing the channel we watch on a day to day basis. Rather than remain on the grievance channel, we must regularly tune in to what is right in our lives. Choose LOVE, BEAUTY and FORGIVENESS.

Tools For Forgiveness 

When a painful experience hits us, we need something immediate.PERT can be performed in less than a minute, discreetly returning you to a state of calm, restore control, and prepare you to make useful decisions.<ol><li>Find a comfortable place to sit and focus on your breath, inhaling and exhaling.</li><li>On the third breath, focus on someone you love.</li><li>Breathe gently, maintain focus, experiencing the emotions deeply.</li><li>Ask yourself what you can do to overcome the present difficulty.</li></ol>

Positive Emotion Refocusing Technique (PERT)

Forgiveness frees us from the pain we hold so close that it damages our physical and mental wellbeing, along with our happiness.Bad things can't always be prevented, you have the choice on how you respond and shape your life for the better.

Final Message

Forgiveness is good for the soul and has positive benefits for our mental and physical wellbeing. We explore the psychology of forgiveness.

mindfulness

Mindfulness

mentalhealth

Mental Health

Psychology of Forgiveness | 10+ Fascinating Research Findings

Today more than ever, there’s no reason to assume any fit between the demands on your time, all the things you want to do, or feel you ought to do, and the amount of time available. Thanks to capitalism, technology and human ambition, these demands keep increasing, while your capacities remain largely fixed. The attempt to “get on top of everything” is doomed.The only viable solution is to make a shift: from a life spent trying not to neglect anything, to one spent proactively and consciously choosing what to neglect, in favour of what matters most.

There will always be too much to do

I’m indebted to the Jungian therapist James Hollis for the insight that major personal decisions should be made not by asking, “Will this make me happy?”, but “Will this choice enlarge me or diminish me?” We’re terrible at predicting what will make us happy: the question swiftly gets bogged down in our narrow preferences for security and control. But the enlargement question elicits a deeper, intuitive response. You tend to just know whether, say, leaving or remaining in a relationship or a job, though it might bring short-term comfort, would mean cheating yourself of growth.

Choose “enlargement” over happiness

It’s shocking to realise how readily we set aside even our greatest ambitions in life, merely to avoid easily tolerable levels of unpleasantness. You already know it won’t kill you to endure the mild agitation of getting back to work on an important creative project; initiating a difficult conversation with a colleague; asking someone out; or checking your bank balance – but you can waste years in avoidance nonetheless. (This is how social media platforms flourish: by providing an instantly available, compelling place to go at the first hint of unease.)

The capacity to tolerate minor discomfort is a superpower

It’s possible, instead, to make a game of gradually increasing your capacity for discomfort, like weight training at the gym. When you expect that an action will be accompanied by feelings of irritability, anxiety or boredom, it’s usually possible to let that feeling arise and fade, while doing the action anyway. The rewards come so quickly, in terms of what you’ll accomplish, that it soon becomes the more appealing way to live.

Choose Disco

I spent a long time fixated on becoming hyper-productive before I finally started wondering why I was staking so much of my self-worth on my productivity levels. What I needed wasn’t another exciting productivity book, but to ask more uncomfortable questions instead.The broader point here is that it isn’t fun to confront whatever emotional experiences you’re avoiding – if it were, you wouldn’t avoid them – so the advice that could really help is likely to make you uncomfortable.

The advice you don’t want to hear is usually the advice you need

It’s wrong to say we live in especially uncertain times. The future is always uncertain

One good question to ask is what kind of practices strike you as intolerably cheesy or self-indulgent: gratitude journals, mindfulness meditation, seeing a therapist? That might mean they are worth pursuing. (I can say from personal experience that all three are worth it.) Oh, and be especially wary of celebrities offering advice in public forums: they probably pursued fame in an effort to fill an inner void, which tends not to work – so they are likely to be more troubled than you are.

One Good Question

As the ancient Greek and Roman Stoics understood, much of our suffering arises from attempting to control what is not in our control. And the main thing we try but fail to control is the future. We want to know, from our vantage point in the present, that things will be OK later on. But we never can.It’s freeing to grasp that no amount of fretting will ever alter this truth. It’s still useful to make plans. But do that with the awareness that a plan is only ever a present-moment statement of intent, not a lasso thrown around the future to bring it under control.

The future will never provide the reassurance you seek from it

You – unconfident, self-conscious, all-too-aware-of-your-flaws – potentially have as much to contribute to your field, or the world, as anyone else.Humanity is divided into two: on the one hand, those who are improvising their way through life, patching solutions together and putting out fires as they go, but deluding themselves otherwise; and on the other, those doing exactly the same, except that they know it. It’s infinitely better to be the latter (although too much “assertiveness training” consists of techniques for turning yourself into the former).

The solution to imposter syndrome is to see that you are one

If you’re prone to thinking you should be helping more, that’s probably a sign that you could afford to direct more energy to your idiosyncratic ambitions and enthusiasms. As the Buddhist teacher Susan Piver observes, it’s radical, at least for some of us, to ask how we’d enjoy spending an hour or day of discretionary time. And the irony is that you don’t actually serve anyone else by suppressing your true passions anyway. More often than not, by doing your thing – as opposed to what you think you ought to be doing – you kindle a fire that helps keep the rest of us warm.

Selflessness is overrated

And then, finally, there’s the one about knowing when something that’s meant a great deal to you – like writing this column – has reached its natural endpoint, and that the most creative choice would be to turn to what’s next. This is where you find me. Thank you for reading.

Know when to move on.

The writer and journalist Oliver Burkeman shares a few lessons from his time writing his "This column will change your life" for the Guardian.

After more than a decade of writing life-changing advice, I know when to move on. Here’s what else I learned

timemanagement

Time Management

Oliver Burkeman's last column: the eight secrets to a (fairly) fulfilled life

The hybrid work environment creates new challenges for leaders, including:<ul><li>How to keep everyone focused amid so much change</li><li>When and how to communicate when some workers are on-site while others work remotely</li><li>How to make fair decisions</li><li>How to manage conflict when employees are out of sight and out of mind.</li></ul>Innovative leaders can use this time of instability and uncertainty to define leadership of the future.

Challenges of hybrid work for leaders

Clarity can be as simple as guiding an employee to the next right step, sharing a big vision for the future, or accurately describing a particular situation and desired outcome.Here’s a checklist of areas that contribute to a lack of clarity:<ul><li>Policies that are outdated or unenforced</li><li>Constantly changing priorities</li><li>Ineffective digital communications</li><li>Misunderstanding about how decisions are made</li><li>Unclear job descriptions.</li></ul>

Clarity

Today’s hybrid leader must acquire good writing and speaking skills as well as competency on various platforms.Quick tips to become a better communicator in a hybrid work environment:<ul><li>Text is okay for short updates or requests</li><li>Keep emails simple and short with the action item as the end</li><li>Space and format emails for easy reading</li><li>Difficult conversations require video or in-person meetings</li><li>Phone trumps email for complex issues.</li></ul>If there’s too much confusion, excessive unresolved conflict, and lack of follow-through, it could be due to ineffective communication.

The hybrid workplace requires leaders to have the capacity and competency to manage conflict among remote workers, virtual teammates, vendors, partners, and contractors.How to calm down and get clear before handling difficult situations.<ul><li>Feel the emotion, but don’t act until you have calmed down.</li><li>Instead of sending the email, send a calendar invite for a one-on-one meeting.</li><li>Plan your conversation, and clarify your intended result.</li><li>Clarify the situation by stating what’s happening that should not be happening.</li><li>Initiate a one-on-one private conversation in person or by videoconferencing.</li></ul>

Conflict capacity

The author of ‘No-Drama Leadership’ says we can use this time of instability and uncertainty to define leadership of the future.


3 ways you can create stability in uncertain situations

Find 100+ Facts About Communication  - Curated from inspiring sources like Books, Podcasts & Articles - Genuine Insights from like-minded Users like You!

Consequences versus punishment

How Emotionally Intelligent People Use the 'Mark Twain Rule' to Become Exceptionally Persuasive

Empathy vs. sympathy: understanding key differences

3 Easy Ways to Make People Like You That Are Backed by Science

Alan Watts Quotes

Use These Phrases to Sound More Emotionally Intelligent

💪+ 🎨 Productivity Demands Creativity

Psychology of Forgiveness | 10+ Fascinating Research Findings

Oliver Burkeman's last column: the eight secrets to a (fairly) fulfilled life

3 ways you can create stability in uncertain situations

It's time to Read like a Pro.

It's time to
Read like a Pro.