Am I Doing the Right Thing? – How to Lead with Confidence When Doubt Creeps In - Deepstash

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VALIDATION, CONTROL & SECURITY

VALIDATION, CONTROL & SECURITY

Validation, a sense of control, and security are the main human desires at work. But when we rely too much on external validation, it can feel like the ground is shaking beneath us. We lose our footing, our confidence wavers, and suddenly, leadership feels overwhelming. 

So, how do we regain that sense of control? 

The answer is simple in theory but takes practice to master: Find validation from within

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The Trap of External Validation – Anna’s Story

The Trap of External Validation – Anna’s Story

Anna, a new client in my coaching practice, had just become a Scrum Master. She led a team of brilliant designers and engineers, yet she came to our first session with one pressing goal: "I need to find a way to please everyone."

She explained that whenever she thought something was right, her team disagreed—and vice versa. She was stuck in a loop, constantly second-guessing herself.

The struggle: "What they think is right" vs. "What I think is right." She was relying entirely on external validation.

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The One-on-One Routines Dilemma

The One-on-One Routines Dilemma

Anna’s reliance on external validation also showed up in how she structured her one-on-one meetings. She wanted clear instructions on what to do, yet she was doing the same thing to her team—dictating how meetings should run without leaving room for their own adjustments

This was a leadership paradox: 

She applied a rigid, one-size-fits-all approach, even though she knew her team members had different personalities. 

I asked her: "How can something be right for both you and the person you’re speaking to?

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Leadership Isn’t a Standard Toolbox – It’s Custom-Built

Leadership Isn’t a Standard Toolbox – It’s Custom-Built

Anna realized that recognizing her team’s unique personalities wasn’t enough—she had to act on it. 

Leadership isn’t about finding one right way and sticking to it. People are different, and what works for one person may not work for another

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FINAL THOUGHTS ON LEADERSHIP

FINAL THOUGHTS ON LEADERSHIP

True leadership is about:

  1. Adapting in the moment – Building the right approach for each person, project, and conversation. 
  2. Letting go of "right vs. wrong" – There’s no universal playbook, only what serves the situation best. 
  3. Embracing discomfort – Growth happens when we step away from what’s familiar and try something new. 

The Right Leadership Is Fluid

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CLAUDIA NECHIFOR

Leadership isn’t about finding one right way and sticking to it. The right leadership is fluid.

CLAUDIA NECHIFOR

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IDEAS CURATED BY

claudianechifor

Customer Quality Management | Organisational Coaching | Quality & Leadership Writer I help quality teams and leaders bridge the gap between process excellence and people potential.

CURATOR'S NOTE

Have you ever asked yourself, “Am I doing the right thing?" If you’re a first-time leader, this question might feel all too familiar.

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